Category: Mental Health

Finding Light in Dark Times: A Personal Journey

by Amy, posted in Mental Health, My Truth, Personal

So I haven’t been here in a while. To be honest I am struggling. Chronic pain and depression do not mix. My mind goes to a dark place so quickly anymore that I feel like I am drowning.

How do I post ways to help people when I don’t feel I am worth helping? Am I a hypocrite? I have all of these things I want to say but my throat burns at the thought. The darkness that surrounds me clouds my mind of reason and wraps a blanket around me. There is no warmth, only a false sense of security. But in the moment it feels safe. But it’s a trick, and consciously I know that. It allows the darkness, the emptiness, to pull me further into its trap. I believe what it tells me: I am worthless, no one will listen, no one will care. Don’t fight it.

I can’t catch my breath, it’s too much.

I drag myself out of bed and try to paint a smile on my face. I remind myself that no one cares about my pain, my feelings…me. And that, sadly is what keeps me going. The reminder that when I am gone, no one will notice.

It comes in waves. I have moments of clarity. I know I am not as alone as I feel. The hugs from children are not out of pity but love. That I have the ability to make people laugh. That maybe someone would want to read this, even if it’s only 1 person.

Currently, my eyes are open. I am here. And for that I am grateful.

Take care of yourself.

Stress, yuck!

by Amy, posted in Mental Health

Stress—we can’t live with it, and we can’t live without it. I’m sure that most of us wish that we could. However, stress can be manageable, as hard as it is to believe. Let’s look at stress, how it can affect us, and the healthy ways we can cope.

The manifestation of stress can present itself in many ways that can have profound effects on your mental and physical health.  The American Psychological Association states that “stress involves changes affecting nearly every system in the body, including how people feel and behave” (American Psychological Association (APA), 2018)

Anxiety and irritability are a couple of the emotional responses to stress. If you are diagnosed with a mood disorder, such as depression, stress may intensify your symptoms. Please do not be afraid to contact your therapist or doctor if your mood worsens or affects your daily life.

When you are stressed, concentrating or retaining information may seem harder. According to studies, stress can diminish the brain’s capacity for processing information and solving problems. (Lupien et al.,2009)

Changes in your normal sleep schedule can be affected. Binge eating or undereating are coping mechanisms that are unsafe. These behaviors can result in a feedback loop, creating a vicious cycle. A feedback loop is when you engage in a certain behavior, for example, overeating, and it creates a response, perhaps a feeling of comfort. That response, at the time, may make you feel better, but it only creates more stress and problems.

What can you do to manage stress? It’s important to learn how to deal with stress in the moment and long term.

Find what works for you. Not everything works for everyone. Here are some suggestions:

Meditation: There are many apps dedicated to meditation and relaxation. Breathing techniques can be helpful at the moment. I like binaural beats videos on YouTube. Binaural beats are 2 different frequencies played simultaneously, that trick your brain into thinking it’s one beat. These then create a response in your brain. There is plenty of information about binaural beats, so that may be another post.

Exercise: if you are physically able to exercise is said to be an effective stress reducer. Endorphins, which are a natural mood lifter, are released through exercise. It can improve sleep and improve your mood.  Please consult a physician, especially if you have any physical limitations before engaging in any type of exercise. We don’t want anyone getting hurt.

Healthy living: We all know the general rules of healthy living: a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and exercise. These are important for managing stress. Easier said than done, right? Think of healthy living as the foundation for living the best life you deserve.

So here was a little bit about stress. Do your research, and find what works best for you. There is no quick fix.

Please stay safe.

American Psychological Association. (2018). APA Dictionary of Psychology. American Psychological Association. https://dictionary.apa.org/stress

Lupien, S. J., McEwen, B. S., Gunnar, M. R., & Heim, C. (2009). Effects of stress throughout the lifespan on the brain, behavior, and cognition. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10(6), 434-445. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn2639

You Deserve Better

by Amy, posted in Mental Health

Sounds cheesy, right? As much as we like to tell ourselves that it’s true, for people with Anxiety and/or depression, that’s a difficult concept to grasp. You know what? Scratch that, this statement is true for, probably, most people. Everyone, no matter who they are, doubts themselves and that is normal.

We can sit on the sidelines and tell someone to just be happy. And let me tell you, we want to be happy, more than you can even imagine. But we have a voice in our head that tells us we will never be happy, we don’t deserve it, and no one will ever love us. That’s a hard thing to imagine.

We walk a fine line between sad and total devastation. Depression can be crippling. It sucks the energy out of you. Getting up and moving, at times, seems like it will be the final crack that will break you into a million pieces. Faking a smile takes so much that you don’t know how you can give any more. You start to feel as though disappearing would be the best thing for everyone.

But as real as all of those, and many more thoughts feel, they aren’t true. We are worthy of love. People do care. Maybe there were people that you had to let go, and walk away from without looking back. As sad as that can be, it was probably for the best. I think of the people that I’m no longer friends with and I honestly don’t think they were my friends. Well, there was one, and sadly she is gone. As often as I think how lonely it is without friends, it is worse to be lonely with friends.

Being alone is hard, but you deserve more. Social media can be bad, toxic, and soul-sucking. People online feel strength in being mean just because no one will know who they are. For those of us who take everything to heart, the internet can be a cruel, cold place. I have found Reddit to be hilarious and Facebook draining. X, formerly Twitter, is cruelty in its finest form. I can’t do it, so I don’t. Youtube is awesome. Yes, there are areas that are toxic but I stay away from those. I have a long history of cute animal videos, cooking shows and BTS. Yes, I am an Army. But before you laugh, they are amazing. They encourage you to love yourself. Which is something foreign to me.

Everything is so negative. The news is filled with war, conflicts, people hating and hurting each other. It’s too much sometimes. How do we cope? We are already dealing with so much pain within ourselves, having to also navigate the political and social negativity in the world can be too much.

Take a breath, turn off the bad stuff and feel the stress leave your body. Listen to music that calms you down, read a book, or watch some funny cat videos. You don’t deserve to feel sad and alone. You need more than the emptiness that threatens to swallow you whole. Find things to do that you can look forward to. If you can’t think of anything, reach out and we can come up with something together.

Take care and stay safe!

Anxiety: Recognizing the Symptoms

by Amy, posted in Mental Health

Many people think that Anxiety and Depression go hand in hand. While it possible to have both, they are completely different disorders.  Anxiety is not one simple thing. It is possible to feel anxious without having anxiety, but it’s better to check with a therapist or Doctor.

So, what do we know about Anxiety? It’s a stress response to something we perceive as dangerous. This is a natural response. I know what you’re thinking, how can something that is a natural response also be a disorder? The difference is the answer to the question, does it interfere with your life? If it’s yes, then you could have chronic anxiety.

Symptoms can vary and can fall into any of the following categories:

  • Behavioral
  • Emotional
  • Cognitive
  • Physical

Behavioral symptoms would include avoiding situations that cause fear and social withdrawal. Restlessness can also occur.

Feelings of impending doom or dread and excessive worry, apprehension, and fear are emotional symptoms.

Having difficulty thinking or incessant negative thoughts are the cognitive effects.

Physical symptoms include stomach and intestinal disorders, rapid heart rate, shaking, and dizziness.

Those with anxiety disorder would greatly benefit from developing coping mechanisms to help. 

  • Therapy is highly successful in learning how to spot negative behaviors and the thoughts behind them. Therapy can provide helpful tools that reduce stress and help keep anxiety at bay. Therapists can help with relaxation techniques. Many affordable meditation and relaxation apps are available.
  • Anti-anxiety medications and antidepressants can help with management of your symptoms.
  • Adopting a healthy lifestyle is a good long-term tool in keeping anxiety symptoms under control. Exercise, diet, and sleep are all good ideas in general, but essential for those suffering from anxiety.
  • Isolation can feed into anxiety. Having a strong support system can greatly benefit. Not everyone has family or friends that they can depend on. There are online support groups. A quick Google search will show you groups in your area or online ones you can join.

Learn what you can about anxiety. Many legitimate online resources exist, but talking with your doctor is the best.

You can always contact SAMSHA, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357.

Take care!

Depression and Getting Help

by Amy, posted in Mental Health

Depression is somewhat of a buzzword. People are very quick to self-diagnose themselves as having this disorder.  If you feel as though you may want to harm yourself or have suicidal thoughts, CONTACT A DOCTOR OR MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY IMMEDIATELY.

As a child of the 70s and 80s, no one had depression let alone got treatment for it. You were just sad, or moody. And yes, everyone can experience periods of depression as a result of an event or trauma. But if the feelings are overwhelming, lasting more than 6 months, and/or affect your day-to-day life, please seek the help of a doctor.

There are symptoms you may not even consider a part of depression. So here is a short list:

Problems concentrating

Changes in appetite

Pacing and fidgeting

Difficulty sleeping

Now, this is not all of the possible symptoms. But I don’t believe these to be what people would consider symptoms typical of depression.

Mood changes are prominent but may feel different than normal sadness. These changes may make you feel as if you are being almost consumed by them like you are in a hole that is so deep that there is no escape.

Despite the number of resources available, people just don’t understand what depression is. They may tell you to start feeling grateful for what you have. Maybe they will tell you that your life isn’t as bad as you think, or that you’re just a pessimist. All of which is very helpful (sarcasm).

If you have been experiencing any of these, or any other symptoms that are infringing on your life, please don’t be afraid to get help. You may need medication and that is ok. If you have pneumonia, you would seek medical treatment and no one would bat an eye. Your mental health is important. If you don’t feel as though you would receive support from those around you, then don’t share. You are allowed to take care of yourself without the input of others.

Here are some resources to help you:

988 National Mental Health Crisis Line

       Call or Text 988

       988lifeline.org

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

       www.samhsa.org

Take care of yourself.

Grief: why we react the way we do

by Amy, posted in Mental Health

Grief is a natural, if not painful, part of life. There are many emotions we experience when it comes to loss. Everyone grieves in a different way. You hear that, but what does it mean? Is there a specific way we are supposed to process our feelings? No, but maybe this will help you understand why you react the way you do.

For the sake of this blog, I am going to focus on the grief from death.

There are five stages of grief. If you Google this, you will find the number varies from 5 up to 12. Each stage can probably be broken down into more specific sub-stages, but we are going to focus on 5.

Know that these stages are not like a 12-step program. You don’t have to spend a particular amount of time on one and then move to the next. You could possibly remain in one stage while another is experiencing multiple stages at once. It is entirely possible that you do not encounter every stage. This is a personal journey.

My uncle died suddenly this past year and his wife moved down near my mom, it was her brother. She was worried that my aunt was not dealing with the loss. Mika, whose name was changed to protect the innocent, said to my mom “well, last night I think I cried for the first time since he passed. It looks like I finished that step.”

I find it important to stress that there is no order to this. It’s not pass/fail. It’s about coping, processing, and understanding why you are experiencing these issues.

  • Denial and Isolation

Denying loss is a natural reaction. When something bad happens, we don’t want to believe it. We may become so steadfast in our feelings that we choose to avoid people. Comfort is not always welcome because that means you have to come to terms with it. Most who offer comfort are doing so because they truly want to help. If you aren’t ready, then this gesture of goodwill can cause you pain.

  • Anger

This usually follows denial because once we have come to terms with the loss we are hurt. Hurt can become anger because we feel that the loss is not fair. Why did this have to happen? Could I have done something? The anger may not be toward yourself. Doctors are questioned if they could have done more. Many are angry at Higher Power; or however, you believe.  Why did they have to take your mother, grandfather, friend, pet? It’s easy to blame someone or something that cannot be confronted.

  • Bargaining

Have you ever cried out for something bad to happen to you rather than your loved one? “Take me instead!” This stage may happen before their death.  You are not in control and bargaining may be a way to get control back.

  • Depression

This is when the realization hits. We finally allow ourselves to feel the pain and the sadness. This is normal and is not to be confused with clinical depression. We will discuss that soon, but if you feel down to the point that it’s affecting your daily life and occurs for more than 6 months, please see a doctor. It is important that you understand that sadness is normal. If you don’t know, please contact your doctor or therapist.

  • Acceptance

You have finally come to terms with the loss. There is no time limit for grief. You may have accepted the loss but that does not mean that you are “over it”. Milestones often bring waves of grief: first birthday, Christmas, anniversary, and/or any other special occasion. Time heals all wounds as they say. The pain lessens, but not your love. I still cry sometimes when I think of my grandmother, and she died 27 years ago.

Before you freak out and say, “I didn’t feel anger (or sadness or bargaining)!” remember that there is no set order. If you feel that you cannot cope with a loss on your own, please reach out to someone. If you want, email me, remember that I am not a licensed therapist.

So that concludes this post. (My first actual post! Yay me!) I hoped that I gave you some information that you can use to help yourself, or someone close to you. And just know that if you reach out to someone to help and they are not receptive, it may mean that they are not ready to accept it. Don’t give up. Just do a quick “Hey, I’m just checking in to see how you are doing.”  It will mean more than you know.

It’s About Trust

by Amy, posted in Mental Health

Mental Health has been brought to a place where we are able to have an open and honest dialogue. When I was a kid in the ’70s, you didn’t have depression, you were moody. ADHD or ADD was not a thing, you had too much sugar. Today we are able to recognize that there be something more than just being down, or going from an extreme high to the lowest of lows. The problem is we don’t have all of the facts.

People are quick to “self-diagnose” or label someone based on a small amount of information. There was a girl where I work and people loved to say that she was bi-polar. “Oh, watch out! I think she’s off her meds”. These labels, while on the surface, are not viewed as hurtful but they can be. How many times have you called someone crazy? Think about it. It’s a lot, isn’t it. Everyone does it. We need to take a step back from using mental illness as a blanket label.

The most important thing, when getting help for mental illness is trust. You must have complete trust in your doctor, your therapist, or any medical professional you go to see. You need to be comfortable with being honest about your feelings. Don’t hold back. Don’t be afraid. Trust has to be present or it will make things worse for you.

Here’s an example. For years, I have had depression, anxiety, and migraines. What a lovely bunch of coconuts! I had doctors who I trusted and got the help I needed. Time has passed, doctors have moved on and now I have one that I do not trust. He doesn’t listen to me. He has been my doctor for years and still doesn’t believe that I have migraines. I have a headache every day of my life, and when I have a migraine, it can last for weeks. I get all types, overall throbbing, sharp “ice-pick” headaches, left side, right side, both sides. I am sensitive to lights, smells, heat accompanied by nausea and occasional vomiting. Fun, right? To this day, he doesn’t get it. I ask for pain medication and he tells me to go to the ER for a shot of Demerol. I go to work, I live my life and I am in pain. Sadly I have come to accept the fact that he will never help me. So why don’t I find a new doctor? I have no answer. What if the new one is worse, but what if they aren’t? I avoid going to the doctor. I don’t get better because I don’t get the help I need.

Learn from my mistakes! If you are afraid to mention something you don’t understand or a new feeling that you are unsure about, seek help. You cannot diagnose yourself, you can’t treat yourself and most importantly, you are not weak for getting help.

I have a degree in Psychology and am working toward my Master’s Degree, but I am NOT a therapist. I want to help, but I cannot treat you. Call a Doctor, meet a therapist. And if you don’t like them, find another. If you need help, I will do my best to support you.

One more thing, if you or anyone you know talks of harming themselves please call the National Suicide Hotline, 800-273-8255. Trust yourself enough to get help.

This is a safe space.

Talk to you soon!

The Black Sheep