Tag: Personal

Speak Up!

by Amy, posted in Personal

Be your own advocate. Don’t ever let the opinion of someone, even a medical professional, make you feel less than others. Never give up. Find someone who will listen,, who will help, because they are out there.

Full Disclosure:

I am in my 50s and am overweight, but over the course of 5 years, I have lost over 100 pounds. I have more to go, but that is easier said than done. I recently went to an Orthopedic doctor who, in my mind, doesn’t care about people. You cannot do what you do, day in and day out, and think that it’s ok to treat people like they don’t matter, I don’t care what you do for a living. I have arthritis in my hip that has been bad for 4 years. I have finally decided that I will get some help. He looked at me and said, “You’re too fat for surgery.” That threw me. I hadn’t even asked about surgery. He then quickly followed that with “and a cortisone shot won’t help you because they don’t make a needle long enough to penetrate your fat.” This is not true since it’s on the inside of my hip joint. The final kick was when he said “Oh, and I’m not giving you anything for pain.”

He said this to let me know that I didn’t matter. That being fat equals being less than a human. Now, this is a common occurrence in the outside world. Heavy people are mocked, teased, bullied, and looked down on. For a medical professional, who should understand how difficult it is, to say those things is beyond hurtful. I am not going to lie, I was not good. This took me to a dark place. He might as well have said that I don’t deserve to live because that was how I felt.

So I took a step. I called my regular doctor, who has been less than helpful in the past, and I made an appointment. I had a list of things I have been dealing with. I t him the tests I wanted and I wasn’t taking no for an answer. He said ok. I was shocked that all it took was me standing up and saying what I wanted.

Don’t be afraid. You deserve help, you deserve compassion and you deserve to have someone in your corner.

I am here. I know, not often, but that will change. I have to force myself to come here. This is good for me, and maybe it will help someone else.

Take care.

Will it get easier?

by Amy, posted in Personal

“The laid schemes of mice and men often go awry” Source: To A Mouse by Robert Burns

There are variations of this quote with the most well-known being “The best-laid plans of mice and men”. However, you want to say it, the meaning remains, that we plan, or plot and scheme, but something happens to derail that goal. This is what happened to me.  I have planned, plotted, and worked on this site, but…well, you know the rest.

I thought I would start this with grief. At some point in our life, we have grieved. It’s not just the loss of people, but animals (pets), divorce, children leaving home, loss of a job, anything that is a big change in your life.

About 2 months ago, my beautiful, hyper yellow lab developed a cough. We took him to the vet and concluded it was not kennel cough since he was never around other dogs. Laryngeal paralysis was the diagnosis. This means that the folds in the larynx collapsed. He was put on medication and within 6 days he seemed fine. The cough never came back but he changed. He was lethargic and seemed to not want to eat unless it was something hand-fed. I was more than happy to hand feed him chicken, which worked, for a while. Then he was eating less each day and finally stopped. I looked up the medication and these were side effects, so I called the vet just to make sure. I was floored at the diagnosis. X-rays showed that he had an enlarged heart, was in kidney failure, critically anemic and his white blood count was through the roof. I asked how that all happened in a matter of weeks. He said that this heart disease is called the silent killer. They are fine until they aren’t.

We were given options, immediate hospitalization with at least 1 blood transfusion and flushing of kidneys. I asked if this would, not fix him, but at least get him back to a livable condition. He said there was a high chance he wouldn’t survive the procedures and if it were him, he would put him down. Shock is putting it mildly. I called my kids and husband and told them to come right away. I was willing to pay the money for the procedures, we all were, but I didn’t know how I would live with myself if he passed, and he was alone. I’m crying now just thinking about it. It’s hard when a pet cannot verbalize how he/she is feeling. This decision is not one to be made lightly. He was 6 years old. He shouldn’t be dealing with this.

As, I am sure, you can guess, we allowed our pup to have peace. It’s been about a month and a half without him and it’s hard. This is the 3rd dog I have had to put down in my life and it’s never easy. It’s so hard to not make the selfish decision.

I wanted to make this post separate from the one I am doing about grief. I wanted to share my story without chasing people away with a long read. tl:dr (too long, didn’t read)